You Are Too Old for BDSM When...

  • Sensory deprivation is when your Dom hides your hearing aid batteries.
  • Your nipple clamps have training wheels.
  • Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker.
  • When you tell your sub to get the cane, you have to specify "walking" or "beating".
  • You can't tell the difference between your tattoos and your age spots.
  • You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR!" for electrical play.
  • Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your oxygen hose.
  • Your idea of suspension is an UltraLiftTM bra.
  • You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me.... back into the paddle....HARD!"
  • Age play really is 24/7.


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