You Know You Need a New Housekeeper When....

  • The good news: Her French maid outfit.
    The bad news: Her beard and moustache.
  • instructs you to attach vacuum cleaner and mop to your computer's USB port.
  • Keeps looking nervously at the TV and asking if you're planning to watch America's Most Wanted.
  • Shows up wearing nothing but a strategically-placed feather duster.
  • First question: "Do you fold your towels before you put them away?"
  • "Well, Mr. Kaelin, your credentials check out perfectly. You'rehired."
  • She's great with the food budget -- but the hamsters are missing and last night's burgers tasted a bit funky.
  • You find a 4-lb. pork roast under the blanket in the nursery, and the baby wrapped in tinfoil in the freezer.
  • By the time you figured out that your brand-new deluxe model of the Housekeeping-Butler-Maid-o-matic was a bad idea, your wife has left you for the Business-Sportsman-Pornstar 3000.
  • "I'm sorry, but due to a recent federal ruling, I don't do Windows."
  • When confronted about nothing being cleaned, insists that "Scrubbing Bubbles does the work so I don't have too."
  • She doesn't do windows, but she *does* do your 14-year-old son.
  • When she is done with your 14-year-old-son, she does your 13 year-old daughter.
  • Well, they don't call him "Mr. French" because of his accent.
  • Scoot marks on the rug, and you don't even have a dog.
  • Does windows? Check. Great with the kids? Check. Greets your visitors with, "I KISS YOU!!!!"? Uh-oh.


Enter recipient's e-mail:

To the Main Page