You Know You Work for the Government If...

  • When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

  • You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

  • Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.

  • Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

  • You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

  • Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.

  • Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.

  • You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.

  • Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated mandatory weekend travel is a perk.

  • Although you have a telephone, pager, E-mail, FAX, company distribution, Fed-X, US mail and coworkers sitting right on the other side of the partition...communication is a continuing problem.

  • You know, and everyone that works with you knows, your performance is superior, but "satisfactory" is the highest level on the documented performance rating.

  • You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"

  • Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

  • When workers screw up they are transferred to another office to be someone else's problem; when management screws up they are promoted.

  • Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up" and "I have an opportunity for you."

  • Training is something spoken about but never seen.

  • Vacation is something you roll over to next year.

  • The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator of acomplaint.

  • You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.


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