You Know You Are Addicted to Coffee If...

  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

  • You sleep with your eyes open.

  • You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

  • The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

  • You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

  • You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

  • You chew on other people's fingernails.

  • The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

  • You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

  • You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

  • You can jump-start your car without cables.

  • You don't sweat, you percolate.

  • You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

  • You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

  • You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

  • People get dizzy just watching you.

  • Instant coffee takes too long.

  • You channel surf faster without a remote.

  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

  • You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

  • You short out motion detectors.

  • You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

  • Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

  • You help your dog chase its tail.

  • You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

  • Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

  • You ski uphill.

  • You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

  • You answer the door before people knock.

  • You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.


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