You Know It's Hot Outside When...
- You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
- Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC blowing on it.
- Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
- Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.
- You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
- The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy."
- Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
- The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper.
- Your pool water starts to boil in the sun.
- The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot.
- Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.
- A scalding hot shower still cools you down.
- You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man.
- People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames.
- A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants.
- The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan
- You need a spatula to remove your clothing.
- When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts.
- You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather.
- You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible.
- You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!
- Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell.
- It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
- Sunscreen is sold at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go shopping.
- You burn your hand opening the car door.
- You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
- You are sitting inside reading these jokes.
- Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips.