You Know It's Hot Outside When...

  • You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
  • Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC blowing on it.
  • Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
  • Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.
  • You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
  • The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy."
  • Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
  • The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper.
  • Your pool water starts to boil in the sun.
  • The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot.
  • Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.
  • A scalding hot shower still cools you down.
  • You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man.
  • People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames.
  • A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants.
  • The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves.
  • You need a spatula to remove your clothing.
  • When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts.
  • You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather.
  • You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible.
  • You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!
  • Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell.
  • It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
  • Sunscreen is sold at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go shopping.
  • You burn your hand opening the car door.
  • You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  • You are sitting inside reading these jokes.
  • Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips.


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